Sometimes I don't say things because I don't want certain people to feel victimised by my words.

But what if keeping it in makes me feel victimised myself?

I mean, I'm still human. I have feelings. I have insecurities.

Is it really that bad of me to want to say something, even if I risk hurting someone else's feelings in the process?

I don't know.

Dramatic moments

Hello wonderful world out there!

I am just sooo happy now. Literally, now. Unfortuately this week has been very stressful, disappointing, sad as all that is wrong in the world crashed down upon the students of CBN. HOw so? Well, let me give you a list of the series of events that happened this week.

1. Drama competition

Well, the word 'drama' is in there for a reason. Most of the classes were EXTREMELY fed up with a certain (which will not be named) class that hogged the stage for practice. Out of four classes, only two had the chance to practice their drama on stage. And trust me, usage of the stage AT LEAST ONCE is very important, for lighting and coordinating purposes. So when everyone got wind that one class booked the stage for practically the whole day on Thursday (as the competition is on Friday) who wouldn't be angry? Especially since they seemed reluctant to share the time. You see, in any other week it would've been fine. Unfortunately, this week was also LANGUAGE WEEK, which meant the stage was being used for other categories as well. So the classes participating in drama had no chance to use the stage that week.

2. Accidents

Somehow this week has just been full of misfortunes and accidents. Rishantinee (from 5B) had a door slammed into her right hand! A stage door, at that. THEY'RE HUGE AND HEAVY! Thank God it was her right hand that got hit, and not her left. (she's left-handed, don't worry.) To make the day even worse, Pn Gan (add maths teacher of 5K and 5N) fell down the stairs and tore a ligament or something. And ambulance had to come and take her to the hospital. Not Rishan though, her dad came to pick her up.

3. Hospitalized person

This is a friend of mine. A fellow prefect too. I'm not too sure why exactly she's in the hospital, but all I know is she's in the ICU and had to undergo surgery. If that doesn't say something bad, then I don't know what does. We sent her a card full of wishes and love! :) Hopefully she does get well soon. She may not be able to come to school anymore but hey, as long as she's okay.

Well that's all I can think of now. This week had felt sooo long and never anding. Yesterday I slept at 2 and woke up woke up at 1. Yes, 1 in the afternoon. I guess that was to make up for the lack of sleep. Oh well.

OH YEAH!

5B won best costumes, best script, the best character portrayal by Dharshini (of 5B :P) and OVERALL BEST DRAMA! :D :D :D :D The only one we didn't get was best props. But we didn't care. We're plenty happy and grateful for what we got now. :D

Here it comes again

Hellooooo. :)

I know, I know. I haven't been here in ages! Last post I saw was.. well. I'm not gonna say I'm too happy about that one. Brings back all those bitter memories and feelings of broken heartedness.

Anyway, all I can say is, he's out of my life and out of my head.. well, okay maybe not completely out of my life, but he really is out of my head now. Yay me! :D

So, where should I start?

It's form 5 year! SPM is in November and I am nowhere near prepared. Yes, I'll proudly (and yet slightly abashedly) say it. I know abashedly is not a word, but who cares, I want to use it so there.

I'm in drama! Can you believe that, me, act? Ha. But it's true! We even made it to the finals, which is in a couple of weeks from now. I'm trying to work on it, my voice projection isn't too hot. Fingers crossed and wish me luck! I must say though, 5T is a real contender. I mean, their drama can move mountains. Like, really.

Anyway, I don't really have anything else to say.

Oh right. Other than the fact that I think that need to create some drama in my life to make it seem more interesting is coming back. But not up to the point at which I'd actually do something. My love life is pretty dull, though, I must admit. But oh well, what can I do? I can't make guys fall at my feet even if I tried.

Yeah well. I need to get some beauty sleep now. Picture day tomorrow, need to look my best! :D

This is driving me nuts.

You know, I was planning to post this as my Facebook status, but that would've been attracting too much attention to myself. So yeah, I'm gonna write it out here. It would've been more expressive had I done this an hour ago when I woke up (yes, I woke up around 1 today, so be it) but I found it more important to go eat first and YouTube Elliot Minor (as introduced to me by Harshiah, they're just AWESOME! =D). So here it goes.

I had yet another dream last night. Even in the DREAM, I tried talking to you. Even in the DREAM, you still ignore my attempt at making conversation. Even in the DREAM, I ended up talking to someone else, laughing with someone else when all I ever wanted was to talk to you, to laugh with you. Even in the DREAM, all you did was sit at the sidelines, looking indifferent, but you were still there. You're always just there. Even in the DREAM, it still hurt. How is this fair? How can I just keep feeling like this? I want to tell you, I actually do. But isn't it kinda hard when you don't even talk to me, except for the occasional comment here and there?

Almost every night, you seem to a part of my dreams. At one point it really was every night. When it stopped I thought I was finally over you. I guess not, huh, when it keeps coming back to me? And apparently Facebook makes an effort to show me a lot of posts from you on my news feed. It's like the whole world wants me to suffer. The wrong person is paying attention to me. The wrong person is giving me compliments. The wrong person is making an attempt at being close friends with me.

Frankly, I don't care who reads this. You want to figure it out? You think you know who I'm talking about? (Aside from the people who actually know who I'm talking about, and that's only about 5 other people.) Fine, whatever. But what I do know is that I want to find away to end this, because it's eating me from the inside.

You see, this is why I didn't want to post this on Facebook. Hardly anything is private on Facebook. I didn't want to start a speculation. I didn't want that person to find out through that way, not that's it's really that hard to figure out who it is, if you pay attention to me.

Does he read my blog? I doubt it. Sometimes I think it's a good thing, but sometimes I wish he did. I don't know what to think anymore on this topic.

Ohh and I realised just recently that I have a soft spot for guitarists. XD

Some things you find out about yourself when you try to sleep at night..

What can I say?

I must admit, I haven't posted anything on this blog site for ages, and I truly am sorry about that. I've been really busy okay? I just can't find time to blog anymore. This one is fine because it's the holidays and stuff. Not that anyone actually reads this anyway but that's beside the point.

So, where do I start? After a few months of not posting anything and updating whatsoever I have to say, a lot, and I mean A LOT of stuff has happened since. Let's break it up into categories, yeah?

School.

Of course this is the first category I mention mostly because that my school life is the one that's changed the most.

First off I'd like to say that I'm actually really happy to be in 4b (i have a problem with the letter b on this keyboard so bear with me for a while. It's all copy and paste here)

There are a lot of benefits to being placed in that class. but I'd rather not talk about it. =)

That's for us to know and you guys to figure out if you want. If not just leave it at that okay?

Number two : I am now a school prefect! =)

Who would've thunk eh? It's kind of overwhelming at times, and I have a feeling my grades might drop if slack off so yeah. I need to keep up my straight A average. ;)

That's another one! People will not stop calling me a nerd slash brainiac just because I managed to get straight A's for my mid-terms. Who's to say I'll pull it off again for my finals? (Which is in three weeks if I may add) Insya-Allah I will lah, but you still can never know you know?

Number three : I have found it odd that I'm beginning to not like english all that much anymore. *All hell breaks lose*

Hahaha, don't worry, I never thought I'd ever say that myself. So if you feel dumbstruck, you're not the only one.

but it's not the language that I'm beginning to dislike, in fact I've recently rediscovered my love for writing stories again (one that I lost during PMR year). Actually it's just the subject of english in school. I think it's because of the work, and I feel that I don't like the idea of just taking english for exams anymore. it's like, such a pain. And I don't like writing essays anymore. Somehow it restricts my need for creativity, and I always feel like I need to insert a certain standard to what I'm writing. So now I keep over-thinking and over-analyzing my sentences and I keep wondering if I should use better words to describe what I'm thinking or what I'm trying to write about. haihh now english for me has become too exam oriented. How sad. =(

Music.

I know this is like, three months overdue, but I would like to mention what I received for my birthday this year.

My parents actually did give me the guitar I asked for. I didn't think they would but they did and I'm still so happy that I actually got it so now I play almost everyday whenever I can. Okay that's a long sentence. Anyway I've learned quite a lot of songs already, all made possible because I already know how to play before during form one, I just stopped because I was tired of using my brother-in-law's guitar all the time. but now I have my own so yeah. No restrictions any more yayyy! =D

but no one's ever actually heard me play before, because I don't like it when people watch me play. It feels really awkward. I just play because I love to by myself and not for anyone else. So now you know I can never be a rockstar or recording artist or whatever. Not that I can sing anyway but you get my drift.

Not only did I get a guitar, but I also got an iPod shuffle from Kakteh and Abg Mut too! =D

I was so happy when I got it especially when I didn't see it coming at all. I mean, Zara gave it to me when I was reading or something. So you could just imagine my confusion and surprise when she gave a small white box with a red band strapped across it with the Apple logo printed in silver on top. I've been listening to it since. =)

Reading.

Lately I've notice that I'm becoming a shopaholic. Not for the normal girl stuff like shoes or bags or whatever. Instead, I have a compulsion to buy a book every time I go out. All this is made more tempting when I start reading a series like the Night World series (L.J. Smith) or the Abhorsen trilogy (Garth Nix).

Now, I'm currently obsessed with finding the ending of the Night World series that is Strange Fate, the tenth book. I know what you're thinking; TEN books? It's not so bad, believe me, because they're all short books, just a lot of them to read. No problem for me though. =)

And I'm also looking for Across The Wall, because in it there's a novella called Nicholas Sayre and The Creature In The Case which is a continuation of the Abhorsen trilogy. I also heard that thee's a new one coming out but I'm not sure when or what it's called. So yeah. I'm going all crazy over these books like you have no idea.

It's gotten so bad that I'm actually reading fanfiction stories on these! Actually they're not half bad, you just to look for the right ones with proper grammar and spelling and a good plot and stuff. (Even though I said I'm losing an interest in English, I can't help but to notice these little details)

Now I find that fanfiction is one of the best parts of a book series! =)

That's all I can think of to update about at the moment. Quite a lot, isn't it? Hmm, oh well, it's not very often that I get to update here anyway, even if it is just on three categories of my life.

Don't expect another post from me soon, but keep your fingers crossed! =)

Tootles.

VI's Treasure Hunt

So I wanted to post this yesterday, but I really just didn't have the energy for it.

I woke up at 6 something, closer to 7 and got ready. I was supposed to meet up with Farhanah, Dian, Rosmah and Denielle at the McD in Masjid Jamek by 8.15.

I was kinda late getting there because Kakya didn't want to drive the Estima so she had to take it out and re-park it because it was blocking the Mini. So by the time I got to Masjid Jamek I was 10 minutes late.

But so was Denielle so yeah. Farhanah's parents didn't mind.

From there they drove us to VI. Farhanah's parents were like, betul ke ni? Macam tak de orang je. They were worried about leaving us there. I mean, a small group of CBNers in VI? What parent in their right mind wouldn't think twice about it, right? But they let us go in anyway, and it turns out everyone had to assemble in an open hall not far from the main gate.

Registration time. We were the last group of CBNers to register, there were two other groups besides us, both were form 5s. After that we waited for the treasure hunt to start. While I was waiting I looked around att he other schools. Actually I just first looked at the VI guys, seeing if I knew anyone. But I only knew one person there.

Then I noticed there were two groups from SAB. I recognized Crystal and Nasreen. I only talked to Nasreen though.

So it started a little past nine. The ketua guy told the group leaders to gather around him (mine being Dian) so that he could give our first clue.

He gave a baby picture of a guy, and told us to find him in this clearing in between two buildings in the school. We went off on a slow start because the guy we were looking for was hiding behind the building. He's supposed to be our 'shadow', someone who has to follow us at all times and guide us through out the treasure hunt. His name is Colin.

So once we found him, he gave us a sheet of paper with a bunch of Math problems on it. Our first impulse was to solve them, right? But they were impossibly hard to figure out. Then Colin told us to read the hint at the bottom of the page. It read : Be smart and observant.

So we looked at it carefully and figured it out. We took out the letters in the equations and arranged them to get BKJALIL. Bukit Jalil.

Off we ran out of the school towards the LRT station. It was epic.

There were at least 2 teams from each school, and there were a lot of schools participating, trust me. Everyone was running, trying to get to the station as fast as possible.

People with touchngo's just breezed through, but the rest had to line up and buy the tickets. We thought we were way behind, but luckily for us, the train hadn't reached yet when we got up on the platform. So almost all of the teams were on the same train.

After 20 minutes we got to Bukit Jalil station. Everyone ran out as soon as the doors opened and it was like a tidal wave coming down the staircases. It was so cool! Very movie-like.

We all ran up to this viewing deck or something where the base guys were waiting for us. We got a sheet of paper with a grid of letter on it. we were supposed to find the phrase THE STATUE OF LIBERTY in the mess. I found it, but it took a while. We were faster than a few teams la.

We gave our answer to the base guy, and he gave us our next clue. It was UNION JACK.

My first thought was dataran merdeka. Then somehow we were thinking, is it dataran merdeka or stadium merdeka? Then Dian said that Stadium Merdeka was under renovation. Colin said, if it isn't stadium merdeka, then it has to be dataran merdeka. So off we went back to the station and went to Masjid Jamek.

We missed the train that everyone else was on, we had to wait for the next one. Another 20 minutes passed by. We ran out as soon as we got to Masjid Jamek and jogged/ran/walked to Dataran Merdeka. But we went kinda slow because Rosmah was feeling sick. The base guys were waiting at the very edge of Dataran Merdeka, where we had to run to get there. The whole team, including our shadow, had to be there for them to give the clue.

Our task was to take a picture of 5 different 7-11s and 3 different stations within 45 minutes. And we had to be in the pictures as well. first we walked around Masjid Jamek and found one 7-11. Then we went to the station to get Pasar Seni. We took pictures at the PUTRA masjid Jamek Station and the Pasar Seni one. At Pasar Seni we found 3 7-11s and went back to Masjid Jamek. Took a picture of the STAR station and took another picture of a 7-11 near the station. Back to Dataran Merdeka. More running. Showed them the pictures, and he gave us the next clue.

He simply said "H TOWER. Tell me the answer." Denielle said HSBC. Wrong. Rosmah and Dian said KLCC at the same time. "Correct! Please proceed to KLCC."

Back to the LRT. =.=

Oh, at the time, we were with the SAB group. Once we reached KLCC, we went out the fountain place and there they were, at the side, waiting for us. We told us the number of our group and they made note of the time. "You have an hour and a half lunch break. Come meet us again at 1.57"

So we left Colin there with his friends and went to eat Burger King. Then we went to Kinokunya just for fun. Went to the Convention Centre at 1.30. Had to wait till 1.57 to get out next clue. They gave us a puzzle and told us to crack the code and find the missing numbers. The hint was 'use something that helps you with words'.

we didn't get it, then asked Colin. He said, electronic dictionary. Farhanah took out her phone and used the T9 setting in the text messaging place. Dian, Denielle and I figured out the code. Farhanah pressed the numbers and got I AM AN INTERACTER or something like that. We showed the base guy, he told us to go to Times Square.

We got to Times Square and had to look for this guy in Starbucks. He gave us a clue and we had to look for someone in the food court. He told us to go to Pavilion. We went back, and we had to go to the place opposite Louis Vuitton. We were given a sheet, and told to find VICTORIA INST.

We found it, and we were told to go back to VI. Off back to the monorail station. Got there, ran all the way to VI. I remember cursing why it had to be on a hill.

In the end we finished 23 out of 29. Tied with Sri Sentosa and one other school. I can't remember which, I was just too glad it was over. The other 2 teams from CBN finished a lot earlier than us but I honestly didn't care. After everyone got there, the organizer guy thanked us and gave away the prizes for the top 3 finishers. And get this: first place was a team from St. John's. How nice, isn't it? =)

Once all was aid and done, the VI guys did the hakka and it was time for everyone to go home..

Unfortunately I still had to walk back with Denielle. From Hang Tuah station --> Masjid Jamek STAR--> Masjid Jamek PUTRA--> Setiawangsa. I didn't even get to sit on the train.

when I got home I watched A Haunting In Connecticut with my sisters on the apple TV.

That's basically it.

I was damn tired, but it was a whole lot of fun. =)

Ugly Betty

OMG I'm sooo really super depressed whenever my sisters call me that.

Because now I'm wearing glasses!!

Technically only one eye needs the glasses, which is my right eye.

My left eye is okay.

But I still have to wear them to correct the defect while I'm still young.

My uncle did suggest to use contact lenses, just for one eye, like my cousin.

But I don't feel comfortable with the idea of contact lenses.

So I made glasses yesterday, in KLCC.

At first I thought it was weird that only one eye was rabun, the optometrist guy said it's called Master's eye, which means my brain has been using only one eye to focus one things. Which must be why I didn't really realise my vision was slightly blurry.

Apparently, my dad has it too. According to my mom, he made glasses once, I don't know how many years ago, but he never wore them. My cousin has it (the one with one contact lens).

I don't know how many other I people I know has it too. So it runs in the family. Curse my gene pool. =.="

So yeah, now I'm wearing glasses.

They're purple and black.

I feel dizzy now, but the optometrist said it'll take a few days to get used to them.

And I've got a treasure hunt tomorrow.

Oh great.