Depression

Ahh, I feel like I've abandoned this blog! (Though my last post was about 2 weeks ago)

I guess you could call that abandoning. What can I say? I'm just too busy. =(

One thing that should come to no surprise, I'm depressed.

I hate being depressed.

And yet I'm depressed over so many things!

I see depression in everything I look at.

School.

I always feel so lazy to wake up in the morning. I absolutely HATE my school bus. It's too packed with people, I always never get a seat, so I'm left standing on the bus for an average of two hours every day (including when I go back by bus).

My class is separated from the other Form 4s. We have to stay next to the ever-so-noisy 3B. Makes it extremely hard to concentrate especially if the teacher speaks softly.

We can't make noise either because 4B is supposed to be the "good" class. We get scolded for being noisy even though we aren't, by comparison to other classes.

WHY MUST WE BE UNDER SO MUCH EXPECTATION?!

Homework.

I'm not exactly complaining about the amount of homework we're getting. I admit it's a lot, but it's nothing I can't handle for the time being. It's just the very idea of getting homework is what's depressing me. (You could call it my mindset) ;P

Friends.

Well, to begin with, I don't have many friends I'm comfortable with no matter what. The person who I'm most comfortable with now might be moving to SM Sains Seri Puteri. I'm happy for her for getting the offer and all, but I really don't want her to go. =(

All of my other close friends are in the NEXT class. In a completely different block. The only time I ever get to see them is during recess and after school. IF I HAVE ANY TIME.

Home.

As usual, no one's at home. Only at night. The only time I spend with my family now is when I stay in front of the TV to watch American Idol with them. And dinner time. That's basically it.

Love life.

What can I say about this? There's no hope in hell that I'm ever going to get a boyfriend. A crush, at least. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

And seeing everyone else have a boyfriend makes me even more depressed! I'm doomed to stay single until.. after I leave school I guess. And when will that be? AGES FROM NOW. >=(

Aging.

I'm gonna be sixteen in June. Where did the time go? I wish I was a little kid again where I couldn't care less if I annoyed people. (which I notice is absolutely true with kids between the ages of 4 - 10) The whole bus thing. I actually learned something from the horrible experience. =.="

Everything I tell you, EVERYTHING!!!!

And tomorrow I've got an exam. EVEN BETTER. (Note the sarcasm.)

I find plenty of opportunities to be sarcastic now. Easy when you're so pissed off at everything.

Stress

It's only the second day of school and everyone's freaking stressed.

We haven't even gotten out textbooks yet!

And they're giving them on Monday.

Monday.

We only have a week to look at our books before the first exam starts.

I really wonder what they're to going to question us with. =.=

Today our teachers actually entered the class.

First was BM. Very confusing.

Why? Because I had no idea what my teacher was talking about. And she was looking directly at me pulak. =.=

After that was Add Maths. Pn Lim is a good teacher, but sometimes she went way too fast for us to catch up. And that was only chapter 2.1 (we're skipping chapter 1 first because we won't be able to finish it by next week)

Surprisingly I quite like Add Maths. 0.0

I know, even I can't believe I just admitted that.

But I guess it's not bad, you just need to stay calm and not panic when you see people around you solving it so quickly. Take it slow at first. That's what I did.

Based on that one lesson, I knew being in 4B is seriously tearing down my self esteem. I can't say I'm smarter anymore. (Or at least pretend to be) =(

During recess I tried buying my school books. It was a long line. Like, really long.

Alini and me were almost in the front when the bell rang. =.=

A prefect halau-ed us from the bookshop and told us to line up in the canteen and listen to the teachers talking in the assembly.

I was so close. =(

So then it was Agama. 4B muslim students shifted to 4K while the non muslims from 4K shifted to 4B.

We had Pn. Che Siah. =D

I like her. She's nice. And I like the way she talks. It's so soothing.

After Agama was English with Ms Anusya.

She looks scary, and she is kinda, like in a strict don't-sass-me kind of way. But she's cool.

She didn't give us any homework (Thank God!!) instead she talked about our English paper format for SPM, oral and the possibility of choral speaking being brought back for the form 4s.

Not that I have a problem with that, but I'm just scared it'll clash with a lot of stuff.

When school ended at 1.10, me and Alini went straight to the bookshop. We were in a rush because if you were late getting there, the line would've extended way too far for you to hope to go home before 2. Luckily there weren't many yet so we bought out books fast.

I still had to get a signature on a photostat copy of my PMR results slip for Kasturi. (We get to claim RM80 as a reward for getting straight As and we get RM40 off every month for the whole year.)

Me, Hidayah, Dian and Nadhra walked from the canteen to the office, but Pn. Ann wasn't there. Pn Chee told us to go find a teacher on duty.

First we looked for Pn Tan. Off to the counseling room on the other side of campus. She wasn't there. =.="

Back to the other side to look for Pn Norizan. She was in the canteen having lunch. Cannot kacau her. Off to the library to look for En Rohizan. He wasn't there either.

Dian gave up after Pn Tan wasn't there and left with her mum.

We tried Pn Norizan again. This time it was us plus Elaine and Nadine.

Off to the office. Again. She agreed to sign! =D

So then Nadhra left for Kasturi with Hidayah tumpang-ing her car.

Me and Kit May (who had hers signed already) walked to the LRT. We got a chance to catch up after a couple of months. =)

Kasturi was a disaster. I don't even want to explain.

All I want to say is, I registered and am going for Tuesdays and Fridays.

End of topic.

I went back at 3, hoping that I might be able to catch my mum at home before she left for work, but I knew that that was a lost cause. I had to walk home. =(

At Setiawanga LRT, though, I bumped into Adib and Rais!

Unexpected, but it was a pleasant surprise. We didn't talk much, though. At all, really. The only person I talked to was Adib. I'm not quite sure why I didn't talk to Rais. =/

So while I was on my way back, guess who I ran into next?

I met with Muzamel in front of his house. =.=

That was REALLY unexpected. He was just dropped off (by Insyira, I bet. I think I saw her in the car, but I couldn't be too sure) while I was passing in front of his house. We said hey. Then I started walking again and he went in. >.<"

So that was my day. It kinda sucked, I was frustrated at quite a lot of stuff. But there were highlights. Especially the unexpected run-ins. =)

First Day

First of all lemme just clear a few things out of the way.

Ehem.

Happy New Year!!!!!

(I know this is probably a bit overdue but hey, better late than never, right?)

Just to point it out, I had an awesome 2009.

Who didn't? You only get one of those in a lifetime.

And now, we've stepped into 2010.

It's a new decade.

The perfect time to make more awesome memories.

Okay, good. Now that that's out of the way, let's start on what happened today.

I'm gonna tell this according to time.

5.45AM

I woke up and got ready for school.

6.30AM

Waited for my bus. Feared that I somehow missed it. Started wondering if I should call down my mum and ask her to send me to school as soon as possible.

6.45AM

The bus came. =)

7.20AM

Reached school. Went up huge staircase next to the AIA building. Short of breath. (The lack of exercise finally got to me) Reached the school canteen. Met friends, said hi, hugged.

Reading session. Shirley the scary form 6 prefect yelled at us to start reading. We took out out storybooks. No one read anything. ;)

7.30AM

Everyone files into the hall, noisily. We get scolded for not respecting the school rules. Sing NegaraKu, Wilayah song and the BM version of our school song. Recite the ikrar and ikrar pelajar. Sit down quietly.

Listen to a continuous stream of different teachers welcoming us back to the school and talk about homework, co-curricular activities and lockers.

An important announcement: Intervensi for form 3s and 5s start near the end of January. The first exam for form 4s start around that time too. =.="

8.15AM (I think)

All the students except the form 4s leave the hall and enter their respective classes. The form 4s sit down quietly and chat in low voices. (Or at least try to)

Mr. Hoo takes the mic and explains how students placed in their classes cannot switch unless they switch streams. (Meaning: if you're in pure science and get placed in 4B, you can't switch to 4U because they're the same stream. But you can switch to 4A because it's a different stream -- commerce)

Reads out the names of girls who are to be in 4B. I was one of them. =)

I don't know what happened next because the girls in 4B had to go to their own class.

4B

Class teacher: Pn. Nor Aini.

Monitor: Joanne Ang

Assistant monitor: Phea Ly Jane

Secretary: Fazlina Yahya

Treasurer: Wong Mei Jen

10.15AM

Recess time! Caught up with other girls form other classes. Asked about who's the monitor, what class they're in, who's teaching them what and so on.

At the canteen, the monkeys were being totally annoying. One was so close to us, we didn't notice, and when we did Dian tried to run away but fell instead. =.=

Now it seems that recess is too short. There's not much time left to talk. =(

10.40AM

Recess ends. Everyone goes into the hall. Exits after a few announcements.

10.50AM

We walk back to class. The upside of being in 4B is that we get to leave first! But that doesn't take off the stress we're gonna be put in.

The form 3s and 5s stayed in the hall to get their SPBT books. Because of that the teachers were too bust to even make it to class. And that meant most of the form 4s roaming around from class to class, looking for their former classmates and vent about how they hate being in separate classes.

In my case, girls from 4B went to 4U and vice versa until 4U's class teacher decided to come in for a bit. So 4B was on our own for the rest of the morning and afternoon.

In that time, I just sat and talked with Alini, Aida, Jannah and Jane. We talked about what to take for our 10th subject. I'm thinking of Geography, but Jane's got me interested in Literature in English. But that one's hard to score in. And there aren't any text books or reference books to come in handy.

Then Simone came round with a camera. Bak kata Alini, "Pandai awak, Simone, bawak camera on the day prefects tak buat spot check."

Which is true, I guess. =)

So we took some pictures and laughed our heads off.

12.50PM

The first bell rings. Reading session for afternoon girls. Morning girls stay put.

1.00PM

The second bell rings. Afternoon girls file into the hall. Morning girls still do nothing.

1.05PM

Third bell rings. Afternoon girls greet teachers and sing all the songs. Morning girls mistake it for the last bell and pack up.

1.10PM

Final bell rings. Afternoon girls most probably sit and listen to their teachers talking. Morning girls go home.

I didn't go home straight away, though. I wanted to go buy my books, but I decided I'll buy them tomorrow.

Erniza, Adibah and Nabihah were buying, so I waited for them instead of taking the bus home.

In the meantime, I went to look for Pn. Ti to collect my locker key and pay the RM50 deposit.

Met with a couple of my juniors and chatted a bit in front of the bookshop.

1.45PM

Once everyone was ready, we walked down the hill, went through the lorong St. John and walked the opposite direction towards Dang Wangi LRT station. Technically we did a huge U-turn. We could've gone down the huge staircase, but we thought it was closed so decided to take the long route instead.

I had to walk home. My first of the year! =D